Facing the Mourning

My beloved husband Skip was diagnosed with bone cancer November 2006, he died march 17, 2007, we were married 30 years. it has been a difficult journey. I needed help facing the mourning, so I joined, Facing the Mourning, a 4-week interactive support group designed to help with the grieving process, it was very helpful in my journey. grief is intense painful and complex, i thought i was loosing my mind, i think i did in reality. before i read Joan Didion's book, The Year of Magical Thinking, i thought i saw a fleeting shadow, a door closing, Skip sitting in his chair, thinking, "what was that"? or, who was that? wondering was that Skip or his spirit, do spirits really exist, then someone, well meaning of course,tells me, his spirit is in the house. At this point in the grieving process i believe i am at a turning point, getting past the deep depression, shock, bargaining, and despair. I am beginning to accept Skip is gone, not coming back, remembering, this is an emotional journey (draining) not just intellectual, trying to figure it out, and it sometimes takes our hearts longer to accept the loss then our heads, especially my head. I am learning to give myself some grace. I still vacillate from time to time and that's okay! My heart still aches but it is tolerable, I am thinking more of the good times we had and the wonderful person Skip was, his smile, his sense of humor and his love for his family and friends. I can not begin to tell you of the love and support we have had from family and friends,(still do) especially our Tuesday night group. I will be sharing more of my journey and the challenges of finding out who I am without my spouse. Many of you are in my thoughts and prayers, especially my friend who just lost her father.

Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? the deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven? And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives? When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been you delight.

Of Joy and Sorrow
Kahil Gibran